I am sitting on my blue couch listening to Lana Del Rey and if it wasn't in the early a.m.time I would be drinking wine. Marco and I are also fine at this moment..but it is early ha! jk.
After a very short discussion with a friend we determined that yes, we are crazy, but passionate crazy is what I would like to call myself. I can be passionate over dishes, dirty looks, and the small girly thoughts that sometime run my mind. Girly thoughts are my insecurities like his ex, my thighs, and Mariah Carey (just kidding). My friend stated that someone she knows takes Xanix a week before she starts her period preventing fights with her man, mood swings, crying in the shower, and confusion about life's choices. Could this be The Cure? We both agreed that it could possibly be just for the sake of our men. I mean Marco at this point might think that something is wrong with him. We both don't claim to be perfect and we never pretend that our relationship is, but what could possibly be wrong with me.
Marco knows I am crazy when I say that 90% of our fights can be ended if he just take to me the room and had his way with me (sex, the good kind passionate and angry), 5% if he just said sorry (willingly), and the other 5% if I had any slight idea what was wrong with me (realizing that that time of the month is near). Who thinks I am wrong? I hate fighting, I hate that feeling of disliking him, doubting him and us, the wonder, and the words. I dislike the words we have to use when we argue, they aren't name calling words but the recycled words like: you did this... why can't you say sorry first why does it always have to be me?... why can't you just understand what I am trying to say?... and so on. I feel like as couples we naturally get into a known cycle and we know each other so well that there is a magic word that can end any and all fights, the usual person saying sorry, and the hugs and kisses at the end to comfort each other. Its a horrible thing to put each other thru, but we continue to do it. It is true sometimes I look for something, anything to fight about. Maybe I need that something to keep my hormones in check so Marco and I can live in our regular peace.
I honestly give so much credit to Marco for putting up with me because his poor soul goes thru so much on a daily basis, with the sailor mouth I have and word vomit you can imagine how many times he is embarrassed in a day. He really does love me unconditionally but there are times I sit and think omgosh I better do something awesome before he forgets how cool I am and I need to erase the psychopath image of me stuck in his head before he runs for a close hill. I mean really think about it; we wake up together (sometimes not talking to each other, depending on how the night before goes), drive to work together (sometimes talking...), workout together (again depending how last night ended), actually work together (we have to talk, we don't want anyone know we aren't talking), drive home together, get home and be a family (again... you know). So if the night doesn't go well imagine what he has to jump thru, all which could have been prevented. So yes I am saying I think I need Xanix and Marco needs to say sorry.
Our "honeymoon" days, the love of my life and I
It's so refreshing to read an honest post because haven't we all felt this way? I know I have! That feeling of "disliking" the person you love is the worst and always makes me feel angry and then also ashamed.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine being with Chip ALL the time like you and Marco. That would drive me crazy!
This part gave me goosebumps: "It is true sometimes I look for something, anything to fight about. Maybe I need that something to keep my hormones in check so Marco and I can live in our regular peace."
Because that is how I am. It's terrible isn't it?
I love you and am thankful you shared this. Makes me feel less alone in my own faults in my relationship. XO
I just wrote the longest reply and it didn't even save :(
Deletelong story short thank you so much for never judging me or taking sides. It must be hard at times because of Kuya but you are an awesome sister <3 I love you and it is so horrible what we put ourselves thru at times.. we need to learn from each other and thankfully you have some time alone ha! I have to drive my own car and sing at the top of my lungs .
xoxo love you so much and thank you
First time commenting!
ReplyDeleteWow what an honest post! Like Mickey, I couldn't work with my honey cause child that man drives me insane as it is. Also, ever since I turned 30, my hormones have gone ape. I'm always crying or very sentimental and it is sooooo not like me! I think Xanax could quite possibly be the cure!
Hello Vivi!
Deleteaww I cry all the time too... maybe it's that 3 in our age haha!
thank you for stopping by :)
ps we aren't crazy :) xoxo
Just like Mickey says- it's nice to read an honest post about the trials and tribulations of a relationship. I agree- we all feel like this. As a newlywed, (and someone who REALLY values her "alone time"), I find myself feeling when I am cold/distant or upset with my soft-hearted husband because he just wants too much of "my" time. (Wow, longest sentence ever.)
ReplyDeleteBut I can't help it- that's me. I'd go INSANE if I spent as much time with Neil as you do with Marco. So bravo to you guys for being able to figure that out- even if sometimes you are "figuring it out" on a daily basis!
*feeling ashamed. Oops! :)
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